Years ago at a time of personal struggle, I started attending a daily 6am Zen meditation session. (For those of you who know me, you know I must really have been struggling to be willing to do anything at all at 6am.) My commitment to rising before dawn lasted about a week. The desire to stay asleep was more of a pull than the desire to be awake.
But the teacher taught us a simple practice that has stayed with me. She said, "Breathing in, say to yourself, 'What am I?' Breathing out, say to yourself, 'Don't know.' "
I've consistently found that "don't know" to be a liberating tool, a way of getting unstuck when I'm bound by the knots I've tied. It's a method of remaining hospitable to possibilities I may be missing. A willingness to be open, to admit how much more there is to learn.
Much of this month-long practice of spiritual spring cleaning comes from that place of creative unknowing. This practice involves our willingness to let go and unlearn patterns of living and being that are harmful to ourselves and others.
But this practice is not just about freedom from something. It's also about the freedom to become... more loving, more wise, more just, more alive.
To begin, I invite you to take a few minutes, close your eyes, breathe in and out deeply and repeat the simple mantra above to yourself. "Breathing in, say to yourself, 'What am I?' Breathing out, say to yourself, 'Don't know.' "
After you've done that practice, how do you feel? Hopeful, scared, open, curious? However it is, that's where we'll begin.
Until tomorrow...
(You've got a sense of why I'm here. Why are you here? If you'd like, please share your thoughts in the comments.)
This practice definitely hit home with me today. At a time in my life where there is a lot of don't know, I am trying to be OK with the not knowing part. Some days this works better than others, but being able to relinquish the need to know is something that I hope I will be able to achieve.
ReplyDeleteWhat am I? Am I a friend, teacher, wife, daughter? Do I know??? Everything right now is very unceertian in my life. Change is the only thing I do know. I think this practice will help me to be more accepting of the unknown in my life. Yikes! What am I? Don't know :-)
ReplyDeleteI remind myself everyday that I am ever evolving and ever changing. I enjoy experimenting and exploring. I struggle with other people trying to define and label me and I work very hard to not label others, but to know each person as a unique individual.
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ReplyDeleteI am here because I feel an overwhelming need to connect with other people travelling down the path. Sometimes life gets so chaotic that it's difficult to take time out for the important things. This online blog makes it very convenient. Thanks for starting this and thanks to everyone else who is here and courageously sharing their perspectives.
ReplyDeleteI recall a comment made by a participant at a WellSprings retreat a couple of years ago that has stayed with me. She said something like (paraphrasing) she wanted to “try and spend more time ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’ “ i.e to be more of a “human being” than a “human doing.” That idea comes to mind with this day’s thoughts about
ReplyDelete“not knowing.” I never know when there is a balance between doing and being. I am often compelled to do, do, do, and much of it is necessary doing, but I know that I need to learn more about just being. The challenge for me is to be comfortable with "not knowing" if balance is present. But maybe it is more about not caring than not knowing? Any thoughts about the difference between not knowing and not caring are welcome. Sometimes I wonder if the key to being comfortable with not knowing is not caring?
Marianne, I wonder if you could look at the idea of not caring in a different light? Think about being comfortable with not knowing because we are accepting. We are accepting of the outcomes or where life takes us even if it is not what we wanted or expected. This is something I am working on. Accepting the outcomes of the challenges in my life. I still care what happens but I try to accept, knowing my higher power has my best interests in mind.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts, Angie. It sounds like a helpful way for you to to frame the experience of not knowing.
ReplyDeleteFor me, in this moment, part of not knowing is connected to not caring,
or more specifically, not caring too much about things that really don't or shouldn't really matter. Peace be with you.